HaShem spoke to Moses, saying: 2 Speak to the Israelite people and say to them: I HaShem am your God. 3 You shall not copy the practices of the land of Egypt where you dwelt, or of the land of Canaan to which I am taking you; nor shall you follow their laws. 4 My rules alone shall you observe, and faithfully follow My laws: I HaShem am your God. 5 You shall keep My laws and My rules, by the pursuit of which man shall live: I am HaShem. 6 None of you shall come near anyone of his own flesh to uncover nakedness: I am HaShem. [Lev. 18:1-6]
This week we have a double reading Achrei Mot (after the death) and Kedoshim (holy ones).
We live in a society today which promotes sexual promiscuity. From television to billboards it is being promoted everywhere. Young people are being advised that they can obtain condoms for protected sex or the morning after pill to abort an unwanted pregnancy.
The Torah is very clear about purity in sexuality. HaShem warned Israel NOT to copy the practices of the land of Egypt. We too would be wise to follow this advice. Here are some practical guidelines to keep in mind for those who are dating.
- Establish your standard. Write it down. Try to anticipate things that could and would happen when you date, and be prepared and make decision as soon as possible. You should know what you would say. Don’t decide later when you’re in the dark on a backseat of a car, because it would be extremely difficult to think clearly then.
- Share your standard with someone who really cares about you, and ask the person to hold you accountable to your goal. It’s more difficult to be a single fighter and it’s not encouraged that you fight the battle alone. Even the feeling of loneliness can negatively affect your commitment.
- Select good friends to hang out with. You are who you’re with. "Bad company corrupts good morals" (1 Corinthians 15:33). This is particularly true for girls, their friends’ attitude influence their stance about premarital sex.5
- Stay a million miles away from drugs and alcohol. Alcohol and drugs are cruel masters that control you. They get to your head and make you do things you never would have considered doing.
- Be careful with music, TV, movies and magazines. If you see it or think about it enough, eventually it gets in your blood. Garbage in, garbage out; Don’t flirt with temptation.
- Do NOT go alone to the house or room of anyone of the opposite sex. Most sexual intercourse between teenage boys and girls takes place in the home of one or the other while the parents are away. Date rape, seduction, and mere rumor leave countless victims with tattered reputations every day.
- Become an expert at saying "no" and mean it. When someone asks you to drink, tell ‘em you don’t look good in a lampshade (and smile). When someone tries to force sex, tell ‘em your dad is a Green Beret and trains Dobermans for a living.
- Build a friendship, NOT a sexual partnership. If someone isn’t interested in you without the physical, you can be assured that he or she does not after love but sex and is not worth gambling your reputation on.
- What goes around, comes around. Protect your date’s reputation and he or she will be more likely to protect yours. And who knows-you may start a positive trend at your school!
- Only date people who share and respect your views, you need them to work WITH you, NOT AGAINST you. This one is ENORMOUSLY important, a definite key to abstinence.
- Stick to your guns at all circumstances. Respect from a guy also come to a girl who can be consistent with what she believes. It is too common for guys to say "I respect your view about sex" when the girls mentioned it, but deep down in their hearts they don’t care about it and think if they waited a bit longer they surely could bring the girls to bed without any problem. Sadly, often enough that’s what happened.
- Abstain from any activity that sexually arouses you, even at the lightest activity (i.e., light kiss, holding hands, back rubs, etc.). If that activity arouses you to have sex, then you are actually closer to the sexual intercourse itself. Beware, there is no clear line between no intercourse and intercourse, everything is happening gradually from white-light gray-gray-dark gray-black. One small thing will lead to bigger things and it is much easier to cool down small fire. Even much easier if you didn’t start the fire in the first place.
- Love is a decision, not a feeling. The most loving decision you can make when your mind tells you it wants sex is to say no.
- Always keep in mind that whoever you’re with right now might not be your future husband or wife. Just as you do not want other people to defile your future husband or wife, do the same to others, do not steal someone else’s future husband or wife by defiling your girlfriend or boyfriend (Mattityahu – Matthew 7:12).
Guys: Keep an image of your future bride dressed in white and walking down the aisle of the Shul / Synagogue. To look at her and know that she is unstained by you or others is the greatest feeling in the world. Do not violate your dream or the dream some other guy could have had with your girl (in case you do not marry her).
Girls: Hold tight to the goal of having a clean conscience when you walk down the aisle dressed in white. Look forward to the day when you can walk down that aisle, look into the eyes of your future lifetime husband, and know that he will be yours alone.
- Lastly but one of the utmost importance is to pray for strength from Him [God]. You will not be able to "go it alone" without His help, and He is willing to help. The only thing that you need is ask.
The view of this Organization on dating:
In our understanding, dating is limited to the search for a marriage partner (we do not believe that a person can have a girlfriend or boyfriend just for fun). Both sides (usually the parents, close relatives or friends of the persons involved) make inquiries about the prospective partner, e.g. on his/her character, intelligence, level of learning, financial status, family and health status, appearance and level of religious observance. The number of dates prior to announcing an engagement may vary by community. In some, the dating continues several months. In other communities, the couple may decide within a few days.
Tags: 1 corinthians 15, backseat, bad company, billboards, condoms, egypt, flesh, good friends, good morals, israelite, Kosher Sex, land of canaan, lev 18, loneliness, morning after pill, moses, nakedness, purity, sexuality, Torah, unwanted pregnancy
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