Jokes. “Mitzvah Gedolah Le’hiyot Besimcha Tamid,” it is a great mitzvah (commandment) to always be in a state of happiness. When a person is happy they are much more capable of serving God and going about their daily activities than when depressed or upset. Funny, clean Jewish Jokes. One sunny afternoon in New York, a priest was out shopping and he met, quite by chance,…
If the exodus story were written to fit the times... The cycle of violence between the Jews and the Egyptians continues with no end in sight in Egypt. After eight previous plagues that have destroyed the Egyptian infrastructure and disrupted the lives of ordinary Egyptian citizens, the Jews launched a new offensive this week in the form of the plague of darkness. Western journalists were particularly enraged by this plague. "It is simply impossible to report when you can't see an inch in front of you," complained a frustrated Andrea Koppel of CNN. "I have heard from my reliable Egyptian contacts that in the midst of the blanket of blackness, the Jews were annihilating thousands of Egyptians. Their word is solid enough evidence for me." While the Jews contend that the plagues are justified given the harsh slavery imposed upon them by the Egyptians, Pharaoh, the Egyptian leader, rebuts this claim. "If only the plagues would let up, there would be no slavery. We just want to live plague-free. It is the right of every society." Saeb Erekat, an ancient Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the superpower God. The Europeans are particularly enraged by the latest Jewish offensive. "The Jewish aggression must cease if there is to be peace in the region. The Jews should go back to...
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And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark." And in a flash of lightning He delivered t ...
When we present God’s holy law, And arguments from scripture draw, objectors say, to pick a flaw, ‘It’s Jewish.’ Though at the first the Eternal One blessed be He sanctified His day of rest, the same belief is still expressed, ‘It’s Jewish.’ Though with the world this rest began, And thence through all Scr ...
The Gaza Flotilla participants explain how they can con the world. Here comes a time When we need to make a show For the world, the Web and CNN There's no people dying, so the best that we can do Is create the greatest bluff of all We must go on pretending day by day That in Gaza, there's crisis, hunger and plague Coz the billion bucks in aid won' ...
In Seville Spain, local people found a way to stop the construction of another mosque in their town. They buried a pig on the site, and made sure this would be known by the local press. The Islamic rules forbid the erecting of a Mosque on "pig soiled ground." The Muslims had to cancel the project. This land was sold to them by government off ...
Week of Jan. 3 2010 - Jan 9, 2010 Best Internet Jewish, clean Videos of the Week. Best new internet videos, best music video and funny video. A Joke now, then the videos: Tales of the Rebbes Three hasidim are bragging about their Rebbes: "My rebbe is very powerful. He was walking once, and there was a big lake in his path. He waved his handke ...
Week of Dec. 27 2009 - Jan 2, 2010 Best Internet Jewish, clean Videos of the Week. Best new internet videos, best music video and funny video. Jewish humour is the long tradition of humour in Judaism dating back to the Torah and the Midrash, but generally refers to the more recent stream. Jewish humour is rooted in several traditions. The first is ...
God's army Rabbi Landau was standing near the synagogue exit shaking hands as his congregation left. But as Max was leaving, Rabbi Landau grabbed his hand, pulled him aside and said, "Max, I think you need to join the Army of God!" "But I'm already in God's Army, Rabbi," Max replied. "So how come I don't see you in shul ex ...
Can I buy An hour of your time? A man came home from work late, tired and irritated. His five-year-old son was waiting for him at the door with a question, "Dad, how much money do you make an hour dad?" "That's none of your business! How dare you ask!" the father said angrily. "Please tell me," pleaded the little boy. ...
An old Jew had a parrot. After years of reciting his daily prayers, the man discovered that his parrot had learned to pray. On Rosh Hashana, he brought the parrot to synagogue and boasted that his parrot could daven. The congregants started betting whether the parrot would pray, and the old man happily took bets that eventually totaled $50,000. &n ...
Dyslexic Rabbi? Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying, "Yo." A Rabbi and the Pope A Rabbi visiting Rome had the good fortune to have an audience with the Pope. While talking about things, the Rabbi noticed a red phone on the Pope's desk. The Rabbi asks what the phone was for. The Pope informs him that it's a direc ...
A Canadian tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel. The tourist was shocked to see the driver drive straight through a red light, without even slowing down. At the next intersection the light was green and, to the Canadian's dismay, the cab driver brought the vehicle to a grinding halt. Unable to contain his astonishment, he turns to the driver and ...
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