Dyslexic Rabbi?

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying, "Yo."

A Rabbi and the Pope

A Rabbi visiting Rome had the good fortune to have an audience with the Pope. While talking about things, the Rabbi noticed a red phone on the Pope’s desk.
The Rabbi asks what the phone was for. The Pope informs him that it’s a direct line to God.
The Rabbi askes if he can use it and the pope says of course but that he should leave $100 for the call. The Rabbi thank him and uses the phone. A few months later, the Pope was visiting the US and makes sure to make a stop to visit his new Rabbi friend. While talking, the Pope notices a red phone on the Rabbi’s desk.
The Pope asks if the phone is what he thinks it is and the Rabbi says of course. The Pope askes if he can use the phone and the Rabbi said that he may bt that he needed to leave $0.50 for the call.
The Pope was surpised and asked, "You use my phone and I ask you to leave $100 and, yet, when I use your phone I am to leave only $0.50. Why is that?"
The Rabbi smiled and replied, "Because here it is a local call."

A Do-It-Yourself Court Settlement

Moshe and Bernie were in court and standing before the judge. "Why can’t you settle this case, out of court?" the judge asked.
Moshe looked up at the judge and said, "That’s exactly what we were trying to do, your honour, when the police interfered."

The Rabbi and his Wife

The Rabbi and his wife were cleaning up the house. The Rabbi came across a box he didn’t recognize. His wife told him to leave it alone, it was personal. One day, she was out and his curiousity got the better of him. He opened the box and inside he found 3 eggs and $2000. When his wife came home, he admitted that he had opened the box and asked her to explain the contents to him. She told him, every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in the box. He thought to himself, "In twenty years, only three bad sermons, that’s not bad." His wife continued, "And every time I got a dozen eggs, I would sell them for $1."

No parking place

Moishe is driving in Jerusalem. He’s late for a meeting, he’s looking for a parking place, and can’t find one. In desperation, he turns towards heaven and says: "Lord, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I’ll eat only kosher, respect Shabbat, and all the holidays." Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him. He turns his face up to heaven and says, "Never mind, I just found one!"

Un ingenioso ejemplo de oratoria y de política, ocurrido recientemente  en la ONU, que hizo sonreír a la comunidad mundial presente: 

¡excelente forma de comenzar un discurso!  El representante de Israel ante la Organización de las Naciones Unidas: 

– Antes de empezar mi discurso querría contarles algo sobre Moisés:  Cuando Moisés golpeó la roca y de ella salió agua, pensó "qué buena  oportunidad para darme un baño". Se quitó la ropa, la dejó junto a la  roca y entró en el agua. Cuando acabó y quiso vestirse, su ropa no estaba  allí. Se la habían robado los palestinos. 

El representante de Palestina saltó furioso y dijo: ¿Qué dice?- ¡Si los Palestinos no estaban allí, entonces!’. 

El representante de Israel sonrió y dijo: - Y ahora que ha quedado esto bien claro, comenzaré mi discurso.